I hesitate to mention it, not because I don't believe in it, but because it's so easy to distort.
Time after time, I've seen people continue past clear and obvious relational red flags because "God was leading them." God does lead and guide, but praying about it doesn't become a trump card that no one can question.
“You don’t get to choose my friends,” your partner says.Or, “We have a history together.” Or, “You just don’t understand them.” What to do? Birds of a feather don't always flock together: As long as your partner stays true-blue, staying mum about his/her friends is the path of least resistance. The trick here is to handle your feelings in the most nonjudgmental way possible, says Hartman, because it’s counterproductive to call them idiots.If you do break off the relationship, give yourself the opportunity to grieve.You very well may be in love with that person, and even though ending the relationship may be the smartest thing you've ever done, it still hurts!According to some experts, the solution to this common relationship issue is a little thing called... After all, no matter how you feel about your partner's pals, the fact remains that these bozos are a part of your life. “The worst thing you can do is try to get [your partner] to see his friends for what they are, which forces him to go to their defense -- and his own defense for liking them,” says Hartman. "To insult a partner's friends is to insult your partner," she says. "A healthy, evolved person chooses friends that inspire, support and share the same values on some level," she notes.
You'll have to mingle with them sometimes (yes, even the ones who are more hideously annoying than fingernails on chalkboard, like the two types described above). Your first step in this case, according to Hartman? That said, you can express your dislike of your parther's friends' behaviors, and explain why you feel that way. “By refusing to socialize, you force your partner to choose,” notes clinical psychologist, Joseph Burgo, Ph. "Calling someone’s friends 'idiots' is a direct criticism of the person who has those friendships." Her advice? Try to understand what it is about these friendships that your partner enjoys -- it just might help you shift your "idiot" perspective. If you feel that's the case, "it's hard not to take this personally, particularly if you’re introverted or come from an upbringing where you weren't 'seen' or appreciated," says Brosh.Or maybe they're self-admitting sexists who tell crass, demeaning jokes whenever you're around (jokes your husband laughs off).You’d like to draw a big X over these people's names, but your partner is completely loyal to them and gets defensive whenever you suggest that said people be phased out of your lives.Be careful of setting up the other person or yourself with that expectation.The inevitable question arrives, "Can we still be friends?If you end a relationship, do so with kindness and respect.