Chilipala also emphasizes the importance of getting through arguments effectively.
“The couple should get to know one another at a deep level and discuss values such as wanting kids, where to live, is family involvement important, how does each person feel about money, etc.” Another thing you should definitely consider? “This can really only be accomplished by going through life together for awhile and seeing how each person adjusts to stress, challenges and change,” she says.
“Does one person need more time and attention to feel loved than the other?
Research shows that there’s truth to the adage ‘love is blind,’ where the critical thinking parts of the brain shut down during infatuation.” That maybe sounds a little familiar, right?
“Even if we recognize what we don’t like about our date or partner, we can sweep those things aside and minimize their importance because of infatuation, but when it fades, that’s when those things can potentially become problematic.” So while 12 to 18 months is just an estimate, the most important thing here is that you’ve been together long enough to take off those rose-colored glasses.
“What drew a person to their partner can later be a source of contention,” she says.
“For instance, a planner is attracted to their partner’s spontaneity.
In fact, the average bride and groom in the UK date for 4.9 years before getting married.
For the modern couple, here's the breakdown of that half-decade: 17 months of dating before moving in together, 22 months of living together before getting engaged, and 20 months of engagement before getting married.
And even though there are no official “rules” about how long you should date, there are some milestones you probably want to get to before taking the plunge.
“One of the biggest issues as to why people end up getting a divorce is differing value systems,” says Pachler.
Iris Pachler, licensed psychologist and clinical director of New Harmony Psychological Associates.