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and told you stories of dancing ’til dawn to the sounds of the Big Band orchestras. ” A few generations ago these questions would not have to be asked.

You may want to acknowledge the death of someone in a more tangible manner than just a letter.

In years gone by one sent flowers to the funeral home or a mourner’s house. They offset the odor of death and the not-too-perfect embalming process.

On occasion, the family may opt for a private funeral service and burial and a public memorial service at a later time.

Death notices in newspapers or online at funeral homes will indicate to you what type of service you are attending and where the service will be held.

The choice is up to you if you want to make a charitable donation or not and it is up to you ultimately to which charity you would like to donate.

The charity will inform the deceased family of the donation, or the funeral home will prepare a list of donors names and addresses. People ask what is the difference between a “funeral” and a “memorial service.” The answer really lies in whether the deceased is there in body or just in memory.As Ecclesiastes (it’s in the Bible) says, “there is a time to dance and a time to mourn.” A memorial service is not a time to dance.There may be smiles and slight laughs at a funeral as we remember the uniqueness of the person we are gathered to remember, but a Dean Martin-style roast it is not.There were things to do and one simply got on with doing them.The Victorians, for example, rarely if ever talked about sex in polite company, even within the circle of those of their same gender.If you do attend a “celebration” at a country club where liquor is served, go easy on it.