If anything, you’re helping him prolong his current marriage situation as you’ve now become a safety net.
If you were led to believe that he was single when you both met, that should be a deal-breaker.
Who wants to sit around, hearing about why him and his wife didn’t get along, when you could be out having a real relationship with someone only focused on you?
“His divorce drama is his problem, not yours” says Barnes.
If you begin the relationship with a lie, it will be extremely hard to develop trust later on,” she adds.
In other words, he may be trying to have his cake and eat it too. Have you already started fantasizing about a future together?
"That said, take an honest look at yourself and ask why you would let yourself get involved with someone is isn’t completely available for you." If he is in the process of leaving his wife, it’s an obvious sign there were problems in the marriage.
While you may feel like he is confiding in you with those problems, you’re really just becoming his therapist.
Low self-esteem is tricky; the sufferer can distract himself or run away from it for years. Many times it will be confusing, and he may hurt you without wanting to. He hurts enough just being himself.) Here are some important things to remember: a cheat sheet to get you through tough times. He’ll never forget that you were the girl who helped him discover the greatest love in the universe.
He may not even realize that the darkness he feels is low self-esteem. If you love him, he will need you to get through it.
But no matter how you may justify dating a man who is "separated," the bottom line is that he's still married.
Experts agree that regardless of the situation, you shouldn't get involved with a married man until the divorce is finalized — and here are five reasons why: “If his dating you is a secret to his wife, friends, families and even his acquaintances, then he is not in the phase of separation that is ready to date,” says licensed marriage and family therapist Dr. Not to mention, having to hide the relationship is exhausting and damaging to one’s self-esteem.
So, I am thinking that so much suffering is brought on not by the affair, but by using the affair as a way to escape facing the deeper issues of low self esteem. I think it is because over time, the affair partners expectations get lowered.